Sir Bogle's Eastern Conference Power Rankings, Pre-Season >
 
 

These are many predictions, there are many like it but this one is mine…

 

I'm not the best at these, even though I was "Jimmy the Greek" last year with the playoff predictions. Minus the racism. Anyhow, on to my picks:

 

 #1    One of the best off seasons in their history, the Caps upgraded in net (at an unbelievable price) with Tomas Vokoun and with Alexander Ovechkin coming off his worst season, statistically speaking, expect big things from the Geico Man this year. This is a huge year for Bruce "Roll on Deodorant" Boudreau, if they don't get past the second round, he will be out of a job.

 
 #2   Tim Thomas, the man is a machine, a short, doughy machine. Didn't lose much in the off season, they won without Marc Savard. Mark Recchi retired to the land of white belts, black socks and sandals (Florida). Look for them to make a run for top spot in the East.

 
 #3   This is the wild card, will he or won't he? We all know who I mean, Mario Lemieux of course, will he pour the water (of the tears of Penguins fans at the thought of no 87) at mid ice before their home opener? Marc Andre Fleury was a stud last year, James Neal has to prove he's capable of carrying this team with Staal/Malkin.

 
 #4   Rollie the Goalie Roloson is old enough to remember the Iggles fans throwing snowballs at a fictional character, but they still have that young punk Steven Stamkos. Did he sign with the Flyers yet? Speaking of....

 
 #5   You know the moves they've made and who was traded. I'm just wondering how this team will break my heart again, like they've done since I could walk.

 
 #6   No more mass murderers on the Flyers to pick on Cole Hamels... I mean Ryan Miller. They picked up Mr. Ville (Knock Me off the Puck by looking at me) Leino. They paid $8 million to Robin Regehr and Christian Erhoff to help protect Ryan from this big bad Canadians.

 
 #7   I hope Andrei Markov doesn't get hurt trying to get out of the cab in training camp. I'm not saying he gets hurt a lot, but he gets hurt a lot. Wait, what?  Look for PK Subban to have a huge year and look for their top line of Mike Cammalleri- Tomas Plekanec and Brian Gionta to lead the league in getting turned down by Carnivals for not being tall enough to ride the roller coasters.

 
 #8   Oh Henrik, why do you have to play for the Rangers? The signing of Brad Richards made the Blue shirts immediate contenders in the Atlantic, if Marian Gaborik can stay healthy they could be a problem in the Atlantic... and maybe Sean Avery can turn down the music!! You don't want people to think you're a douche, do you?

 
 #9   Olllld man  Marty Brodeur will keep the Devils from making a push to the playoffs. Moose Hedberg should get tons of playing time this year.."I used to play a lot, I still do but I used to, too" RIP Mitch. 

 
 #10   James Riemer could be the most famous man in Toronto since Kerry Fraser, hopefully for James, it will be positive.

 
 #11   My sleeper team, they will sneak up on a lot of fans, especially fans who had no idea the Isles still existed.

 
 #12   Cam Ward is still the most underrated goalie in hockey, and after the recent tragedy hitting the eastern seaboard, the Canes are now changing their name to the "Carolina Rainbows", millions rejoice in San Francisco and Sean Avery has requested a trade.

 
 #13   I promised myself no Dustin Byfuglien fat jokes with this post. Jets goalie Ondrej Pavelic was tied for 7th in shutouts (Or DONUTS if you will) last season. Eric Fehr was added to the squad, he will need to put the BISCUIT (Mmmmm) in the net for the Jets to have a shot and Andrew Ladd, who isn't known as a goal scorer will need to put some in the top shelf (Where Momma hides the COOKIES) . Mmmmm icing.... Movin on..

 
 #14   Craig Anderson gave the Sens a boost last season when he was traded from the Avs. Their biggest move this off season was bringing in Nik Filatov, which means the Sen will be fighting for that top draft pick this season.

 
 #15   Kris Versteeg and his dangling (mouthpiece) might be the Panthers highest goal scorer. End of story.
 


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